IN WILDERNESS

The very first solo abroad held in Vermilion Art, Sydney, 2017.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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In Conversation with Luise Guest from White Rabbit Gallery

曠野的溫柔:等候自己的練習

 

 

舊約聖經上記載,以色列民族曾經花費四十年走一段實際只需十一天的路程。四十年裡,他們在一山頭不斷繞行而無法前進,路途的風景盡是曠野。

2015-2016年,我走過一段值得紀念的創作曠野期。在這樣一段特別的旅程中,也曾踏過疑惑、憤怒,與疲憊。所有的方法宣告無效後,決定做一件不太熟悉的事——安靜。——當所見一片荒蕪,除了仰望上帝,或者低頭看看自己,其實再沒別的事好做。

接受了需要成長的事實,才終於明白,能讓我前進的,不是一直以來緊抓手中的安全感、專業、或者引以為傲的事。真正能帶我移動的,其實是、也只能是一份深刻不變的愛。這份愛讓我知道,即使不足、不配,卻從來不曾被放棄。

練習著等候自己的時候,看起來什麼都沒有的這裡,又好像什麼都有了。

張開雙手,學習倚賴。「曠野的溫柔」說的是一段走向自由與輕省的過程。

那靠着良人從曠野上來的是誰呢?(雅歌8:5,中文和合本)

Gentleness in the Wilderness: Learn to wait for myself

A long, remarkable journey of Israelites was recorded in the Old Testament— the Israelites spent 40 years on a journey which should have taken only 11 days. Instead of went straight into the Promise Land, the Israelites kept taking detour in wilderness, for 40 years.

I had experienced a similar Wilderness Detour. During 2015-2016, I was stuck in nowhere, I can’t create anything. I was depressed, in doubt, raged, exhausted. I had tried every possible way to get myself out, and when all doors were shut, I turned to one thing that I was not used to -- being still. When I look around and see nothing in the wilderness, I looked up to God, and look down at myself.

Accepting the fact that I need to grow, somehow brought me to the realisation of what I have been clinging to - sense of security, profession, pride, everything that I believe I own - was not the source of strength I need to carry on. I was not as capable as I thought, and the moment I accepted it (which took me almost a year), my eyes was opened. I get to see, it is His everlasting and unchanging love that upholds me, leads me forward. His love, delivered me, covered me and showed me that I was never abandoned or forsaken no matter what happened.

When I learn to wait for myself, in the wilderness, it seems that I own nothing, yet I have everything.

Let go and Let God. Gentleness in the Wilderness is a story about walking into true freedom and liberation.

Who is this I see coming up from the country,

arm in arm with her lover? (MSG)

(Special thanks to Kai-En Su.)